


King and Lionheart

by patroklassy



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Adoption, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Dad Eruri, M/M, Post-Canon, Post-War
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-01
Updated: 2016-10-01
Packaged: 2018-08-18 20:47:23
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,948
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8175664
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/patroklassy/pseuds/patroklassy
Summary: The war is over, and Levi wants to write something to immortalize his husband's heroism. And to make sure their kids will someday know how their father, a commander-turned-historian/educator, saved humanity.





	

**Author's Note:**

> The title comes from the song "King and Lionheart" by Of Monsters and Men.

The cottage overlooked the sea, and that felt right. When they climbed the cliffs and turned their heads east they could see the mountains, and that felt right too.

In the two years that had passed since the end of the war, Erwin had written a history of its final two decades. It wasn’t an important book yet; people were still trying their best to forget, not to remember the fine, unapologetic details. But with time, it would be a valuable primary source.  

“What are you writing?” Erwin asked, leaning over Levi’s shoulder.

Levi shifted his arm to block Erwin’s view. “A story. It’s about you.”

“Oh? What kind of story?”

“Never you mind.”

Erwin took a seat at the table, leaning on his hand. “What am I like in this story?”

“You’re . . . like you. It’s about us.”

Erwin smiled, apparently determined to tease more out of him. “A romance? I hope you’re not writing erotica.”

Levi rolled his eyes. “Yes, Erwin, I’m trying to immortalize how great you are in the sack. No, it’s not fucking erotica _._ It’s . . .” He struggled to find the appropriate word.

Then he remembered Erwin’s history book—how neatly Erwin had compiled it, how well-written it was. Authentic. It didn’t pull any punches. He himself had provided a few passages, filling in the gaps where Erwin had been absent. He was certain a cursory glance would be enough for people to pick out his fumbling effort from Erwin’s masterful writing.

“Stupid,” he finished, and stood abruptly, crumpling the pages he’d been writing up in his fist as he did so.

Erwin’s eyebrows shot up, expressing a question he knew better than to speak aloud. Levi ignored him and went down the hallway to their bedroom, where he shoved the crumpled pages into a drawer beneath some of his shirts.

When he returned to the living room, Erwin was still seated at the table. “What’s your story called?” he asked.

“Nothing,” Levi replied.

“I don’t mean to be disheartening, but that’s a terrible name.”

Levi went to him and sat himself on his lap. “I’m not going to finish it.”

Erwin entwined his fingers with Levi’s, running his thumb back and forth along the heel of his palm. “Why not? Those passages you wrote for the history book were great. You’re a good writer.”

“Liar. And it’s fanciful.”

Erwin raised Levi’s hand to kiss it. “What’s wrong with that?”

\--

It was windy by the sea. Their cottage creaked and groaned, the sounds amplified by the night. Levi lay in bed with his head on Erwin’s chest, their legs crossed together, his right hand settled over the scars on the left side of Erwin’s abdomen.

In the passage of two years, they had both managed to add an extra three to their usual few hours of sleep. And the prospect of Erwin’s warmth and company in bed had abolished Levi’s habit of sleeping in a chair. They went to bed late and rose early, but the exhaustion was less severe now. So was the stress and the grief. They rode their horses to Levi’s tea plantation every second day, and Erwin spent his afternoons fine-tuning the new history curriculum he had designed for the schools popping up at every settlement. Levi helped him, or tended their garden, or cleaned, or swam.

He listened to the groaning of the wooden walls and to the thud of Erwin’s heart. He remembered all the times he had feared it would stop. Memories flashed through his head: looking down upon Erwin’s suicide charge from the sky; finding Erwin’s stricken body upon the battlefield; the blood and gore; thinking Erwin was already dead, and then thinking he would soon die of his wound anyway. Levi’s fingers ran over the scars left behind.

Erwin twitched a little. “That tickles,” he murmured.

“Sorry. Were you sleeping?”

“No. I was thinking.”

“What about?”

Erwin rolled, displacing Levi, and settled so they were facing each other. Levi couldn’t make out any details in the darkness, just the slope of Erwin’s head. “I was thinking about the day I first saw you.”

“When you had Mike shove my face into a puddle of dirty water? Some of that got in my mouth, you know. It was disgusting.”

Erwin laughed softly, his face close enough to Levi’s for him to feel the exhalation of warm breath. “I’m sure I’ve apologised for that already. But the moment I first saw you, you were just a shadow flitting above the underground city.”

“And what were you thinking that day?”

“I was thinking that anyone who could fly like that deserved to be freed from those walls.”

Levi leaned his head forward until he found Erwin’s lips to kiss them, and then ducked under the covers, wriggling downwards until he could press a gentle kiss to Erwin’s scars, too.

\--

 “Hanji and the others are coming today,” Erwin said.

“I remember,” Levi replied. Their friends usually tried to visit every second week at least, but sometimes life got in the way; Erwin and Levi hadn’t seen Hanji, Moblit and Mike in almost a month now. Hanji and Moblit would pick Mike up, and the three of them would travel together and stay for a night or two before returning home.   

“Hanji’s letter said she had a big surprise,” Erwin went on. “I wonder what it could be.”

They were sitting out in the sunshine together. Levi stirred his iced-tea, making the ice cubes clink. “I hate to think,” he said. “If it’s anything slimy, it’s not coming inside.”

The trio arrived shortly after midday. Except they weren’t a trio.

“Meet Emery!” Hanji cried, hoisting a toddler off her horse.

“I stand by what I said,” Levi whispered to Erwin. “If she’s slimy, she’s not coming in.”

Erwin knocked him with his elbow and then went to Hanji, carefully taking Emery and tucking her against his side so he could support her with his one arm. The little girl had mousey brown hair. She smiled at Erwin as he bounced her on his hip, her hands reaching for the collar of his shirt. 

He looked back to Levi, smiling too. His eyes shined brilliant blue, ecstatic. “How long have you had this little flower?” he asked Hanji and Moblit.

Moblit walked over and held up a finger, kissing Emery’s little hand when she grasped it. “Two and a half weeks. The adoption process took so much longer than expected. Two and a half weeks of pure joy.”

“Pure joy, my ass,” Mike whispered to Levi, leaning down to him. “She’s happy now, but she cried the whole bloody way here.”

“I need to toddler-proof the house,” Levi whispered back.

“You guys must be starving,” Erwin said, passing Emery into Moblit’s arms. “We put off lunch to wait for you. Let’s go eat.”

\--

Levi couldn’t believe how dewy-eyed Erwin was all through lunch, sitting at the outdoor table on the deck with Emery in his lap. Of course, he didn’t realise he himself was making the same dopey face every time he looked at Erwin and Emery together. Erwin fed Emery little spoonfuls and bounced his knees for her and kept looking at Levi in such a way that Levi knew exactly what question would be brought up in bed later that night. He also knew exactly how he was going to reply.  

“She takes after Hanji,” Moblit said, looking just as dewy-eyed as Erwin. “I know that’s impossible, but she does.” His brow furrowed. “That’s going to be a handful once she grows up.”

Hanji laughed. “Moblit thinks I’m not careful enough with Emery around my experiments. _I_ think _he’s_ being _too_ careful with her. Witnessing dissections at a young age never hurt anyone.”

Everybody had the good sense not to reply to that. Mike had followed Moblit and Erwin’s lead and was now cooing at Emery. Levi rolled his eyes but also held out his hands in demand, waiting for Erwin to pass Emery to him. 

She tugged at his collar, as she had done to Erwin, and Levi lifted a hand to gently prise off her fingers and let her tug on his own fingers instead. “What do you say we give you a nice undercut, huh?” he said to her, using his free hand to lift the top half of her hair. “Like Uncle Levi used to have? No, sorry kiddo, you couldn’t pull it off. Can you say Levi? Uncle Levi? No? What about, ‘Uncle Erwin has heart-eyes and it’s embarrassing’?” He looked to Hanji and Moblit. “Does she talk?”

Hanji blinked at him. “She’s two years old, Levi.”

“Meaning?”

“Yes, she can talk. But she can’t form sentences yet. Keep saying ‘Levi.’ She’ll pick it up.”

He narrowed his eyes at Emery. “Levi. Levi? _Levi._ ” He shook his head. “Bad news, guys. She’s a lost cause.”

“You’re a lost cause,” Hanji replied.

\--

In bed that night, Erwin got in after Levi and immediately rolled onto his side to face him. “So Emery’s very cute,” he said.

Levi rolled onto his side to face him, too. “Yeah, she is.”

“Seeing her got me thinking,” Erwin said.

“Oh?” Here it was. The question was coming that Levi had known would come, the question he had already prepared his answer for.

“We haven’t really talked about this much before, but do you think . . . would you ever consider . . .?”

“Yes,” Levi said.

Erwin pushed himself up a little, leaning on his hand. “Yes? That was easy.”

“Did you think it would be hard?”

Erwin smiled. “I supposed not. So . . . maybe we could adopt, too?”  

“I think so,” Levi said, tracing a circle on Erwin’s chest with a finger. “So many kids have been left orphaned by the war. It scares the hell out of me just thinking about being a father. But if we can help just one kid—one kid that’s, you know, like we were—well . . . I think that would be pretty great, Erwin.”

Erwin leaned forward to kiss him. “You have the biggest heart in the world. And it scares me, too. But it doesn’t have to happen immediately, or even soon. We’re not that old yet. We can wait. If we want to.”

But Levi realised that he didn’t want to wait, not now that the thought was in his head, not now that he had seen what Erwin was like with children. He had considered before what it would be like for him and Erwin to have a kid, or even multiple kids, but he had always banished the thought, still too stuck in his war-time mindset. _What if I die the next day? What if Erwin dies? How can we raise kids knowing what future they’re headed for?_

At last, enough time had passed for his head to finally accept that he no longer had to worry that Erwin could die any day. He didn’t have to worry that their kids were going to grow up to live in fear of titans, because there were no more titans left to fear. Did he doubt his abilities to be a good father? Absolutely. But he didn’t doubt Erwin’s. “We’ll talk to Hanji and Moblit in the morning,” he said. “We can ask them about the adoption process. If you want to.”

Erwin kissed him again. “I want to.”

\--

“Hey Levi, who wrote this story about you and Erwin?”

Levi saw the paper in Hanji’s hands and snatched it from her. “Where did you get this?” he demanded. “Were you going through my stuff?”

Hanji held her hands up in innocence. “Calm down. I spilled wine down my shirt so Erwin told me to borrow one of yours, since it would fit better. That was just in your drawer.”

“So you _read_ it?” Now that Levi looked properly, he saw that Hanji was wearing one of his oldest threadbare shirts. At least if she spilled more wine on it, he wouldn’t miss it. Not that he cared about that right now.

“Of course I read it—I saw my name on it! So who wrote it? Is it part of some old manuscript found in a deceased soldier’s belongings or something? Because if it is, I don’t think you should be crumpling it up like this.”

“What the hell are you talking about? _I_ wrote it.”

Hanji stared at him. Her eyes widened and then narrowed, confused. “But . . .but this is really well-written.”

“Ouch.”

“Okay, so you wrote it . . .” Her expression suddenly brightened. “Then when are you going to finish it? I want to know how it ends!”

“You know how it ends. It ends with Erwin and I having the peace of our quiet little cottage disrupted by your arrival.”

Hanji laughed. “You know, if you’re going to be a dad, I really think you should work on your anger-management.”

“My anger management is fine. It’s my Hanji-management that needs some work.” Hanji didn’t take offence, as Levi knew she wouldn’t. Their friendship was built upon harassing each other, and they were actually very close. Just that morning they had sat down together and talked about Emery while Moblit was still asleep and Mike and Erwin were jogging on the beach together. And when Erwin got back, they had discussed adoption.

Hanji tipped her head to the side. “It’s for Erwin?” she guessed. “The story? I really do think you should finish it, Levi. Just think—your kid could get to see what heroes their dads were.”

Levi looked down at the papers in his hands. A hero? He didn’t feel like one. He was just a guy that had done his best. Erwin was the only hero. “Yeah,” he said. “It was for Erwin.”

\--

He and Erwin walked hand-in-hand up the pathway until it got too narrow, and then Levi let Erwin move on ahead. He paused for a moment, digging a stone out of his shoe. When he looked up, Erwin was standing at the top of the path with his back almost to Levi and his hand out, feeling the wind moving around it. “You’re a king,” Levi said, remembering something he had just added to his story. He had written more of it after talking to Hanji, though he still kept it shoved away in his shirt drawer, pretending that it wasn’t a project he was invested in.

Hanji and Moblit had left with Emery three days earlier, promising to post all the adoption forms to Levi and Erwin for them to start filling out. Mike had only left yesterday, staying an extra couple of nights just for the company.  

Erwin turned to Levi, laughing. “Am I? A king of what?”

“I don’t know,” Levi said. “The world, preferably. You deserve the world.”

By the time Levi reached the top of the path, Erwin had moved away. The wind tugged at his hair and shorts, and his silhouette was framed by the setting sun. They had chosen to live here because of its seclusion; when they stood upon the clifftops and looked around, their panoramic view of the sea to the west and fields and mountains to the east was uninterrupted by settlements. It was easy to imagine Erwin and himself as the owners of it all. The sun was dipping past the horizon, the twilight deepening, and it made Erwin, standing upon the clifftop, look unearthly. A king from millennia ago.

“Am I a good king?” Erwin asked.

Levi crossed the grassy expanse to meet him, tugging at Erwin’s neck to pull him down. “The greatest,” he replied, and kissed him. “Let’s swim,” he said.

Erwin sighed, but smiled. “You’re going to make me dive, aren’t you?”

“Together. If you start drowning, it’s a good excuse for me to give you mouth-to-mouth.”

“You were literally just kissing me.”

They had both wandered up the path to the cliffs shirtless. It had been a chilly spring, but summer had rushed in with a sudden, delicious heat. “Come on,” Levi said, pulling Erwin by the arm towards the edge of the cliffs. “It’s finally warm enough to swim this late in the evening. I’ve missed it.”

Near the edge, they kicked off their shoes and pulled off their shorts. Levi stood on Erwin’s left so he could hold his hand. Erwin squeezed Levi’s hand tightly. He had mastered both three-dimensional-manoeuvring and horse-riding with one arm, but swimming still daunted him, though he loved it.

Levi found Erwin’s nervousness endearing. And he kind of liked the thought of being able to save him if he _did_ happen to start drowning.

“Ready?” he asked.

Erwin squeezed his hand again in reply.

They leapt.

It was a different thrill to three-dimensional-manoeuvring. There were no grappling hooks and ropes to catch them, nothing to slow their descent. The cliffs were high. The water below was calm and deep. Erwin’s hand slipped out of Levi’s as the air rushed around him, and Levi counted down the seconds of freedom before the impact.

The water was a few degrees colder than lukewarm, hitting his limbs like an electric shock. It closed over his head and for a few moments Levi let himself sink, swallowed by the sea. After the initial plunge, it was so peaceful beneath the surface. He threw out his right hand, taking hold when he felt it hit Erwin’s arm, and when he kicked upwards he felt Erwin’s legs slide for a moment against his, doing the same.

They surfaced at the same time. Levi moved to Erwin’s right side, looping his arm around his waist so they could tread water together. Erwin wiped the hair out of his face and then leaned over to kiss Levi, and they both let themselves sink beneath the surface again. They kept the kiss going, eyes shut tight against the salt water, until Levi accidentally tried to breathe through his nose and shot back to the surface, spluttering. Erwin’s head popped up next to his. He was coughing—laughing too hard at Levi.

“Asshole,” Levi choked out, feeling the sting of salt water in his throat. Able to breath properly again, he kicked himself onto his back and floated. Erwin paddled around him a little and then kicked back too.

“I see a star,” Erwin said. The sky above was greying, the sun spilling blood across the water behind them.

“Name it,” Levi said.

“‘Levi.’”

Levi smiled. But he said, “Terrible choice.”

Erwin gave a quiet laugh. It was similar to the gentle tinkle of water around them. “What should we name our child?” he asked. “What names do you like?”

“What if they already have a name?” Levi replied.

“I want to know what names you like best, anyway.”

Levi thought hard, but nothing came to mind. He had kind of figured he would know the right name once he saw the kid. He hoped. He said this to Erwin. “What about you?”

“How about Hazel?”

“Like the nut?”

Erwin laughed again. “Okay. Elise?”

“A lease?”

“No, then. Beau, for a boy?”

Levi moved his hands, watching the water swirl around them. “I don’t think I’m fancy enough to have a son named Beau.”

They talked a while longer, but Levi began to shiver. The sun was almost gone. Baby names could wait; they hadn’t even started the adoption process yet, after all. Together, they swam back to shore and climbed the cliffs to retrieve their belongings, and went home to wash off the salt under a hot shower.

\--

“What’s the word for the action you take to prevent an attack before it can happen?”

Erwin sat their two cups of tea down and seated himself at the table, brow furrowed. “Pre-emptive?”

That was it. Levi scribbled the word down and continued writing.

“Is this the erotic novel?” Erwin asked.

“Very funny. This is for your benefit, you know. Our kid is never going to believe the shit you did. Just look at what you’re wearing!”

Erwin frowned, looking down at himself. “What’s wrong with what I’m wearing?” 

Levi pointed his pencil at Erwin’s feet. “You’re wearing slippers with shorts at two in the afternoon, that’s what.”

“They’re very comfortable.” Erwin ducked briefly to look under the table. “And so are you,” he said, straightening.

“Yes, but I’m an old thug from the underground. I’m not the man who reformed the Survey Corps and led humanity to victory.”

“You flatter me, Levi. And that dictates when I can wear my slippers? I don’t follow your logic.” Erwin sipped his tea. He eyed Levi over his mug. “So when can I read it?”

Levi pretended to think carefully about that. “Hmm . . . never.”

“Hanji tells me it’s very good.”

“ _Hanji_ swore not to say a word about it.”

“What kind of a story is it? Historical fiction?”

Levi sighed, putting down his pencil. “Sort of, I suppose. It’s . . . you know that book that you mentioned, it was about a hero? It came up in a few of the old manuscripts. It was like the book was the memory of the hero, and people knew his glory because here was this book to record it all. Do you remember? It wasn’t fact, like a history book. But it was truth, you know? I just—I thought you deserved something like that. I don’t want people to ever forget you.”  

Erwin’s tea was raised halfway to his mouth but poised there, forgotten. He stared at Levi, and Levi couldn’t quite decipher the meaning of his expression. “You would do that for me?” Erwin said at last, lowering his cup back to the table.

Levi shrugged. “I just think it’s what you deserve,” he repeated. He stood, thinking he would return his papers to their special spot in his shirt drawer. “I know you’ve got your history book, but . . .” He shrugged again. “Do you think it’s stupid?”

“No, I—” Erwin moved out of his chair so quickly he bumped the table, spilling both their cups of tea, and Levi found himself pinned against the wall, Erwin’s lips pressing fiercely to his. Levi kissed him back, his hands moving into Erwin’s hair. After a few moments, Erwin leaned back to look at him. Then he pressed soft kisses to Levi’s nose, his forehead, his temples, his cheeks. He paused again, holding Levi’s gaze. “Thank you, Levi.”

“For what? I might mess it up.”

Erwin kissed his forehead again. “I don’t care. So many people have called me a demon. Thank you for always telling me I might be a hero.”

“There’s no ‘might’ about it.” Levi wrapped his arms around Erwin’s waist. He couldn’t believe how much he loved him.   

\--

Levi wrote his signature slowly, and sat back in his seat to stare at it. It had taken them two hours to go over all the forms together, reading every detail and filling out everything that needed to be filled out. “Done,” he said.

Erwin wrapped his arm around Levi from behind, resting his chin on his shoulder. “Done. Wow. Let’s deliver it ourselves tomorrow, shall we? We can meet the children.”

\--

The rain and wind whipped Levi’s hair back. It was a little shorter than he usually kept it; that was what happened when he let Erwin cut it for him. He had let his undercut grow out, and he took one hand off the reins to run his fingers through the even hair on the back of his head.

Erwin was a dozen metres ahead of him, the hooves of his horse kicking up muddy water. Levi spurred on his own horse, putting on a burst of speed to catch up to and then overtake him. Erwin called something to him as Levi passed, but it was lost to the blast of rain and wind against his ears.

The forms were tucked safely into a satchel Erwin was carrying. It was a four-hour ride to the town, and so far it had been raining for two and a half of those hours.

By the time they drew their horses up outside the orphanage, the rain had turned to a light mist. Levi dismounted and then watched Erwin do the same. The movement was practiced, smooth, and it made Levi think of a line for his story. “How do I look?” Levi asked him. “Fatherly?”

Erwin tipped his head to the side, thinking. “A little wet. A lot wet. But very fatherly. The sweater was a good touch.” He said this very proudly, because he himself had picked the sweater out for Levi.

“Okay.” Levi took a deep breath. “Okay. Okay, okay. Let’s go do this.”

\--

“Pow! Got you, terrible lion!” A little red-haired girl fired an imaginary arrow at Levi from her plastic bow. Levi, playing along, clutched at his chest and slumped downwards, letting his cheek hit the ground with a dramatic _thwack!_

He heard Erwin say, “Oh dear! Did you just shoot my husband?”

“Sorry, mister!” the little girl cried. “But your husband was a lion in disguise! I shot him in the heart.”

“A disguise, you say? Then it sounds as though you’ve saved us all.” Erwin’s voice was full of humour. It made Levi smile to himself.

“Look! The lion is smiling! He’s still alive!” The little girl prodded Levi with her bow. “It’s okay, lion. You can get up now. They’re going to call us all for lunch soon.”

Levi pushed himself into a sitting position, and decided to salute the girl—though he had rarely saluted while he was in the Survey Corps. “You’re a fine archer, little huntress,” he said. “What’s your name?”

The girl pulled back the bowstring, aiming her little toy bow at Levi again. “Renn.”

\--

A number of decisions were made during and immediately following their visit to the orphanage. Firstly, it was decided that they would move to a house on the outskirts of the town. Secondly, it was decided that their regular visits to Levi’s tea plantation would become weekly visits. The plantation would be fine. Thirdly, it was decided that both of these decisions would themselves be based upon Levi’s decision to start working at the orphanage.

“I wasn’t ready to be around people before,” he said to Erwin. They sat outside a bakery together, pulling apart pastries. The rain had finally stopped. They had left the orphanage an hour before, their hearts full. “Not after the behaviour of those shitty kids from the hundred-and-fourth. And the victory parade. It felt so fake. All those people that shat on us, trying to pretend it never happened and congratulate us for a job well-done. If it weren’t for the kids, I’d be happy to live out my life at our cottage. But did you see that boy in the striped shirt? Scrawnier than I was. And Renn? How great was she? She reminded me of you, Erwin. She had heart. She could grow up to change the world. What if she never gets a chance because that orphanage is under-staffed and under-funded? I want to help them. And it’s not just thinking they deserve better. I really want to be a dad.”

Erwin was smiling. “Why do I get the feeling this won’t be the first time we go through this adoption process?”

“Let’s buy a four-bedroom house. Or three, at least. Maybe five.”

“With a big yard?”

“And a sunny conservatory.”

“And a big deck.”

Levi laughed suddenly. “I love you,” he said.

Erwin put his arm around Levi and gave him an icing-sugared kiss. “I love you more.”

“Not possible.”

\--

He was two-thirds of the way through. He had to move his special storage place from his highly unceremonious shirt drawer to a drawer in one of the cabinets, where the ever-growing stack of papers could remain tidy and ordered.

Some things were exaggerated. He was going for truth, not fact. Erwin had his own history book for the hard facts of it all. And he knew he couldn’t be objective. He was too in love with Erwin, and he always had been.

He tried to pin down the genre of his story. In many ways it was a love story. The love Erwin had for humanity. The love Levi had for Erwin. The love Erwin had for him in return. It was also a survival story. It was a tale of war. It was an epic that sung the deeds of Erwin Smith, thirteenth and final commander of the Survey Corps.

It was the only way Levi could think of to repay Erwin for everything he had given him.

\--

Levi couldn’t sleep. He didn’t want to wake Erwin, so he got up and went outside onto the deck of their new house. _A father. In two days. You’re going to be a father in two days._

He felt excitement, anticipation. But he also felt a clawing dizziness that made his body sway and his stomach churn. A thought occurred to him. He went back inside. He pulled out his bucket of cleaning supplies and tugged on his rubber gloves, headed for the bathroom. He would start there.

The rhythmic scrubbing was hypnotic, and Levi drove himself into a kind of frenzy. He forgot himself. He scrubbed harder. His fingers ached. God, he was tired. He shut his eyes tight and kept scrubbing. He had been like this before. He always hated it when he came out of it, hated the feeling that he had lost control. It was all messed up in his head because in the moment—right now—this felt like his only way of _regaining_ control.

Erwin appeared, a shadow in the doorway, rubbing his eyes. “Levi, what are you doing? It’s four a.m.” He crouched and reached to stop the movement of Levi’s hands, but Levi pushed him back.

“Don’t—get off. It’s not _clean_ enough.”

He felt rather than saw Erwin’s eyes roaming the spotless bathroom floor. Then Erwin took up a sponge and knelt down at his side. Levi slowed his scrubbing long enough to give Erwin a sidelong, apprehensive glance, and then resumed his work.

They cleaned in silence, listening to nothing but the scrape of the brush’s bristles and the swipe of the wet sponge. Erwin kept out of Levi’s way and sometimes Levi re-cleaned the places Erwin had done, sometimes he didn’t.

When the sun rose, Erwin put a hand over Levi’s. “Levi. Rest now.”

The scrape of the bristles ceased. Levi’s fingers stung, and he wasn’t surprised to see blood around some of the nails when he peeled his gloves off. Some of his hair had escaped his bandana, falling over his eyes. He sat back on his heels for a moment and then rose stiffly to his feet. He almost felt present again. But exhausted. “Thank you, Erwin,” he said hoarsely. Then he washed his hands and went to the bedroom, where he fell into their bed.

\--

Erwin didn’t come find him again until midday. He knew when to give Levi his space.

He came bearing tea and pancakes, and climbed into bed beside Levi despite the afternoon sun pouring in through the window.

“It’s stupid,” said Levi.

“It’s not,” said Erwin. He plucked two of the strawberry slices from his own pancake and added them to Levi’s. “What set it off?”

Levi busied himself with cutting his pancake into little pieces. Erwin wasn’t always the best chef, but at least his pancakes were excellent. Finally, when his pancake was shredded into pieces so small they were hardly more than crumbs, Levi said, “Just . . . memories, I guess. You know. Sickness. Dirtiness.” And seeing it kill his mother, and his peers, and so many babies and toddlers he had lost count. “It’s stupid,” he said again.

Erwin rested his head upon Levi’s shoulder, and then turned so he could bury his face into Levi’s neck and press a kiss there. “I know what living in the Underground cost you,” he said softly. “This was another way you learned to survive. It’s the farthest thing from stupid.”

Levi shut his eyes tight. His mind was flooded with memories from the Underground—bodies in the streets, children with bony limbs like sticks, everyone’s faces gaunt and haggard.

Erwin left another kiss, his lips lingering for a moment. “We’ll clean the whole house twice over if that’s what you want to do. But our child is going to be happy and healthy here, Levi.”

Erwin’s words were like painkillers to the ache of Levi’s memories. In an instant, the images in his head were replaced with this: Erwin smiling, bouncing Emery on his knee. Erwin smiling, crouching down to talk and laugh with the children of the orphanage. Erwin smiling, telling Levi over and over what a great dad he was going to be. Erwin smiling.

Levi turned and wrapped his arms around Erwin and buried himself in his familiar warmth and scent.

\--

They clutched each other’s hands so tight both their knuckles were white, and Levi’s hand was going numb. Erwin kept fidgeting in the seat next to him, looking around the room, looking at Levi, jiggling a knee. Levi had never seen him so nervous.

“They’re going to love you,” Levi whispered to him, and gave Erwin’s already-well-squeezed hand another squeeze. “Expeditions never even had you this worked up. It’s going to be fine.”

“But what if they . . .” Erwin trailed off.

The door opened and Erwin shot to his feet, dragging Levi up with him.

Based upon their completed forms, interviews, and assessments, a child had been chosen for them. They had been given the opportunity to find out the child’s age, their name, their gender, their personality, but Erwin and Levi had decided to keep themselves in the dark. They wanted their first official meeting with their new child to be a surprise.

“Erwin, Levi,” the carer greeted them, “meet your new daughter.”

“Renn,” Levi said, immediately dropping down to a knee to be on-level with the little red-haired girl that had just emerged from behind the carer. Levi put out a hand to shake, then realised that was too formal for his _daughter_ , and opened his arms wide instead. “Pleased to meet you again, little huntress,” he said. Levi could feel tears starting, and his cheeks were already aching from how hard he was smiling. Sudden fear struck him. What if she was scared of him? Rejected him? Didn’t remember him?

But Renn smiled at him, and she stepped into his arms and let him hug her, and the flood-banks burst when Erwin put his arm around both of them. The tears burned Levi’s eyes. But in a good way.

“She talked about you both,” the carer said, her hands clasped together, smiling down at the new little family. “It was a funny coincidence, but she was actually one of the three we had narrowed down for you anyway. Then she asked if the ‘lion-man’ and his husband would come back and see her again. Once we realised that was you two, it made our final decision a whole lot easier.”

Levi pressed a hand to his mouth to keep from sobbing. He remembered Renn bringing an apple to him during lunch the day they had visited the orphanage, saying it was an apology for shooting him. She had been so chatty then, but she was shy now. 

“May I?” Erwin asked, and put out his arm, biting his lip in suppressed joy when Renn let him pick her up. He and Levi both straightened, Renn perched on Erwin’s hip, supported by his arm. She was smiling at them both. There were tears in Erwin’s eyes. “Shall we go home?” he said to Renn.

Renn was four years old. She had been an orphan since she was one. She wasn’t a Ral, but her red hair reminded Levi of Petra.

He watched Erwin and Renn together, his heart thudding its way out of his chest. He had a husband, and he had a daughter, and they were both beautiful.

\--

“Done,” Levi announced.

“Not done,” Renn said.

“Oh?” Levi said. “There’s still more to go?”

Renn, who was sitting on Levi’s lap at the table, took up the pen he had been writing with and leaned over the last page of his book, doodling something. Levi watched on, amused.

“Done,” she said a few minutes later, and pushed the sheet of paper away from herself so Levi could see. She had drawn a little stick-man picture of Levi and Erwin holding one of her hands each, the three of them smiling out of the page.

“Shall we show Dad?” Levi asked.

Renn hopped off his lap and skittered away towards the hallway with the sheet of paper in hand, yelling, “Da finished! Da finished!”

She re-emerged from the hallway sitting on Erwin’s shoulders, ducking over his head as he bent low to pass through the doorway. “You finished it?” Erwin asked, holding up the last page to Levi. “I like the illustrations you’ve added, Levi. You’ve really improved as an artist.”

Levi let out a huff of laughter. “Our daughter kindly added that for me. It’s almost finished. It’s missing something.”

Erwin took a seat at the table and got Levi to help him lift Renn off his shoulders and place her on the table itself, where she sat cross-legged. “Da is going to read it to us now, isn’t he?” she said to Erwin. “He promised! I want to hear his story about a hero.”

Erwin smiled. “That’s up to Da,” he said, looking at Levi.

Renn tried to reach for the top page of the pile of papers. “What’s the hero called?” she asked.

“Erwin Smith,” Levi said quietly.

Renn’s head tipped to the side. “But that’s Dad’s name.” 

Levi took her little hand and kissed it. “Yes,” he said, his gaze catching Erwin’s, “it is.”

\--

“Beautiful day for _someone_ to stop hiding their work like a dragon hoarding his goddamn gold and share with the rest of the group,” Hanji said, sipping her wine. She glanced at her friends. “I can say ‘goddamn’ because Emery is finally asleep.”

They all looked to the sunny lawn just below the deck where Mike was sprawled out on his back, snoring his head off, with little Emery tucked under one arm, Renn tucked under the other. Both the girls were sleeping soundly as well, their sunhats pulled low over their heads. Erwin had just finished setting up a sun-umbrella on the lawn to shade the three of them. 

“I don’t get why you guys are all so interested,” Levi said. “It’s just a book. It was a hobby to pass the time.” That was an utter lie. Creating the story that he intended to secure Erwin’s legacy was far more than just a _hobby._

“Leave my dearest husband be,” Erwin said, stepping back onto the deck and bending down to kiss the top of Levi’s head. He dropped into his chair and took up his gin and tonic. “Levi doesn’t have to share it with any of us if he doesn’t want to. It’s his decision.”

Hanji looked at Levi. “You haven’t even let _Erwin_ read it yet?”

No, he hadn’t. Because it wasn’t completely finished, and he wouldn’t let Erwin read it until it was _completely_ finished. It was missing a title.

Erwin suddenly tapped him on the shoulder and whispered in his ear, “Look over there, lionheart.”

_Lionheart._

It had become a term of endearment, one that Erwin sometimes liked to use when Renn was around, but she wasn’t nearby right now.

Levi followed the direction of Erwin’s finger, gaze coming to rest upon their daughter. She was twitching in her sleep, tickled by the Monarch butterfly—wings as orange as her hair—that had come to settle upon her nose. He knew it wouldn’t bother her if she woke to see it there. She loved every critter she encountered in their back garden.

It was a Saturday. The sun was shining. Levi had wonderful friends, and a family he loved so much it often overwhelmed him. After a life of survival-mode, of cutting himself off, the freedom to truly _care_ for people, without the fear that too much emotion could ruin him, was still foreign and new. And yet, on this beautiful sunny Saturday, his past almost seemed like somebody else’s life. 

\--

Levi prodded Erwin in the ribs.

“ _Hnnn._ ” Erwin’s body shifted a little. “Levi? Something wrong?” 

“Sorry to wake you,” Levi whispered against Erwin’s back.

Erwin’s head lifted a little. “’S okay. I wasn’t . . .” He broke off into a yawn. “Wasn’t quite asleep. Everything okay?”

“I thought of a title,” Levi said. He kept whispering even though he didn’t need to. He knew Renn liked hearing the murmur of their voices from her bedroom; she found it comforting. But this seemed like something that needed to be whispered about. “For my book. Your book.”

Erwin immediately started rolling, a groggy movement that took most of a minute. When he was at last facing Levi, he opened his eyes and asked, “You did?” Another yawn, which he attempted to stifle. “Sorry, Levi. I promise I’m listening. Hit me.”

“What do you think of, ‘King and Lionheart’?”

Erwin’s eyes had already closed again even before Levi started talking, but he reached out his hand blindly, feeling his way until he touched Levi’s face, and cupped Levi’s chin and cheek against his warm palm. His thumb stroked Levi’s cheek, and he drew himself closer and shuffled down in their bed so he could turn his head against Levi’s chest. “’King and Lionheart’,” Erwin whispered, his lips brushing Levi’s chest over his heart. “Levi . . . it’s perfect.”  

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Renn became inadvertently modeled after her namesake, Renn of Michelle Paver's "Chronicles of Ancient Darkness", after I named her. Woops.


End file.
